I recently took down “The Boy Who Killed Title IX” because I am submitting it to literary journals.

I am still revising “Dry” though I think it’s getting close.

I just posted “Burial at Sea,” a story I wrote about my dad a year or two ago.

Comments welcome as always.

I am also currently working on a modern-day detective story about a young out-of-work hacker who see private investigation as a way to ply his trade legally without the hassles of a day job.

44 thoughts on “Stories

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  9. It’s cool that you put your stuff out there to share. I read “Dry” and wasn’t sure where it was going at first. After I reread it, I see the hints you placed throughout- well done. It has the feel of a dad listening to his daughter ramble about random stuff and then darkly wonder about his kid’s capacity for evil. Some other thoughts:

    1. What’s her motivation? Perhaps you don’t want to give one to make it a creepier “anyperson,” but you do spend a lot of time getting insider her head. Maybe you could hint at one (or maybe I missed the hint). If you really want to freak parents/older generation out, have it somehow connect to social media.
    2. My understanding is that most people are very nervous the first time they commit a crime. It sounds like this is the main character’s first time; I’d expect her to be less cool and collected. Just a random thought, but you could make her seem nervous because she seems to like Malik and is planning a rendezvous- a parent’s worst nightmare. Then the twist at the end is that it is even worse (or perhaps you would also guiltily feel some relief?). Of course, you could just make her a fearless sociopath, but I think it’s scarier if she seems normal.
    3. You can make her more sympathetic and kinder to really milk the twist.
    4. I’m going to assume that she is somehow some sort of loner/asocial, otherwise she wouldn’t be planning what she was. If she was socially adjusted, she would find some other way to vent her frustrations/exercise power. So I don’t know if it would make sense for her to go to the public mall and and have someone do her makeup, which she admits is a vulnerable act. Especially during the dry run. Just nit picking.
    5. Something about the story reminded me about the Unibomber. Not sure why, probably because he’s the only well educated terrorist I know of, and she seems to be doing well in her math class. Hope I don’t get you flagged by the NSA for this comment.

    Anyways, just random thoughts, take them with a grain of salt. Much respect.

      1. Yeah, that’s me (this is my personal email address). I got a LinkedIn message that your job title changed, and I noticed you listed screenwriter as a profession. I think it’s always interesting to see someone I already know in another light. Good luck publishing, and let me know when the book comes out.

        Ironically, I went to school in Boston (MIT), started out working in Silicon Valley, moved to NY, have spent my career in the tech industry, and am also working on a sci fi novel that references college and deals (more lightly than yours I think) with freedom and predestination. With so many “common experiences,” it will be very interesting to me to see how our perspectives will differ in our stories.

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